RetroFedWhat was the conversation about sex and drugs like in your home growing up?
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lol. don’t do drugs. sex does not exist.
I see you also recieved the universal basic education.
that was parents. I was lucky enough that the public education system went through the parts and disease and pregnancy and birth control and disease prevention. Kinda funny though as they never really get into the sex act. Even the catholic junior high I went to covered the parts and how babies were made but did not talk about birth control except none are guaranteed so celibacy is the only sure way to not get pregnant/impregnate or get disease. They also seperated girls and boys for the class.
I refer to your original statement as the universal basic education that patents give when they’re too awkward to talk about sex. Your original statement covered the entirety of what I was told. My school said nothing of sex ed. My biology teacher asked us to read the chapter on reproduction ourselves because she wasn’t going to cover it but it would be on the finals. So I’m basically self taught for all matters involving sex. The rule was that no one is to speak of sex. Even drugs weren’t talked about at all. It was just presumed that drugs will be avoided. Smoking was discouraged strongly enough that I think it was presumed that the same message applied to any substance misuse.
“Everybody who does marihuana ends up doing hard drugs!” - my mother, social worker.
Yeah, sex doesn’t exist.
Holy shit we can edit titles here. I got to fix a typo; what a dream. Fuck Reddit.
Haha welcome to the fediverse, glad you’re enjoying it.
Lemmy legitimately does just have an incrementally better design, besides just being free and non-enshittifiable.
(Except “under the hood”, where it’s a bit of a mess)
what’s wrong under the hood?
I don’t code so idk the deep dive but from what I’ve seen from the people who run my instance, there’s a lot of features missing and sometimes updates break things.
Last I checked, Piefed, despite being written in a scripting language, manages to be much faster and lighter.
I can’t comment too much on database best practices, but apparently the way Lemmy uses them is borderline insane. It does just visually look pretty speghetti-code-ish, in those sections. Hopefully, one day somebody will come along and fix that.
The rest seems fine.
My dad told me we were going to talk about sex. I asked him what he wanted to know. That was the end of the conversation.
You did a dad joke on your dad. Impressive
He sure showed that mother fucker.
Open and honest. If you were old enough to ask a question you were old enough for a relatively complete answer. No judgement or lecture. Just the truth.
I do the same for my kids.
The goated answer.
When I was about 15, my grandma told me “If you don’t want her to be a mommy, always remember to wrap your salami.”
That was about it, and yes, it was as strange as it sounds.
My Mom once said to me, “Be good, but if you can’t be good, be careful.”
I built a shed with my dad when I was like 14 and he went “well your mother wanted me to talk to you…”
We had an awkward conversation but it was very short and he was just like “some guys have a lot of sex. Some guys don’t. That’s ok. It feels really good. Use protection”
It wasn’t until I fucked up with some drugs as an older teenager he was like hey cool it with that nonsense.
He’s a good guy haha.
My mom was pretty open about trying weed in college. She told me she would rather me smoke weed than cigarettes, which she did not appreciate me reminding her of when she caught me smoking weed.
Sex wasn’t a topic we really discussed, but it wasn’t something taboo. When I was 11 she got me a book on puberty and told me to ask her if I had any questions. I didn’t need to because she did her research and got a good book.
Although she did get me a Playboy subscription when I was 16. I always forget about that. My dad had it cancelled. He also tried to give me “the talk” when I was 23.
23? Ouch.
The parents were probably ready for grandkids.
My mother: My best friend Ruthy was the sort of person who thought a best friend was someone who gives you their last tab of speed during exams. My best friend in highschool, hearing this: So you had speed in highschool? My mother: oh ugh um ahh well.
My mother also advised us that if we thought a bar was watering down drinks we should order black russians because vodka is more alcoholic but kahlua is more expensive. Also never buy white rum because you might as be drinking vodka - this was meant as an insult to both vodka and white rum.
My dad took me for a drive when I was 15. Awkwardly asked if I knew about women. I lied and said yes. He was visibly relieved. That was the end of it.
My wife and I made sure our kids had multiple sex talks, quizzed them about scenarios (especially involving STDs and consent), and gave them starter 3-packs of condoms.
We’re not leaving things to chance. We also factored the future therapy bills into the equation.
My parents said that they would let me drink under their supervision once I turned 16. I didn’t take them up on the offer because i wasn’t interested. Any time my Mom lit a cigarette I would start talking about how bad it was for her. So they never felt a need to talk to me about other drugs. Eventually when I waa 20 I let a girl talk me into drinking with her at her place when her parents were out of town, and she’s my wife now.
For sex, my parents were like “you talked about that stuff in school right? You know to use protection?” And I was like, “yeah I’m good”.
I was a responsible youth, the one in the friend group always thinking about the consequences and long-term effects of actions. My parents knew they didn’t have to worry about me.
Mom went to Woodstock.. The first one.. so being exposed to sexual behavior and being around drugs were a part of my childhood environment. The 1970’s were WAY more free-swinging than it is now. Because it was in my environment, it became all rather ho-hum.
When it’s around all the time - it loses the appeal of being “forbidden fruit.”
My mom worked in a hospital, so she saw the worst of the worst that comes from drugs. Naturally she was very anti-drug
My parents side stepped having this conversation by letting their first child serve as a negative example for the rest of us
Sex and drugs are fine but don’t neglect your rock and roll.
There wasn’t any, they just signed the sex education and DARE forms schools sent home with me and left it up to government and pigs.
Sex education was decent, I recall two courses. One in elementary and another in high school. DARE was as useless as everyone already says, so no need to elaborate I think.
My dad said I was your age once too. I know telling you not to do it is pointless. When you do things, don’t be an idiot about it. Trust the people you’re with, don’t do too much, don’t drive, and Jesus Christ if you’re in a situation where you need to call me at 3am you better call me. Am I going to be irritated I got woken up? Yeah but, I’ll get over that. I can’t fix you being dead.
My Mom did the sex talk. Don’t really remember it but, it resulted in birth control 2 years before I even stated dating so I was safe.
All I know is plastic wrap is not the same as a condom. Also don’t forget it after getting the wendys.
What conversation? You guys had conversations?
Same. Luckily common sense and open friends were enough for me to be informed.
The principal of my small-town high school heard kids talking about pump jack parties. He thought we were going out to a pump jack to get drunk and ride the pump jacks. Apparently, in his day, that’s what kids did. He brought in a guest speaker from a local oilfield company to talk to the senior students about the dangers of doing that.
We were dumbfounded by the talk because none of us had ever thought to ride a pump jack. What we called a pump jack party was just when a specific couple parked their car in the country to have sex.
Older people in the community have since confirmed that riding pump jacks was indeed a thing.
it was and it was insanely stupid and fun. imagine trying to get on one of those carnival rides at the local fair, while it’s running.
back road fuckin was pretty fun too, though much harder to find a partner.
no drug talk; my mother sat me down at age ten and gave me such a dry, clinical description of intercourse that I had no idea what she was talking about. It wasn’t until a few years later when I was reading books with some mildly steamy sex scenes that it hit me: “–oh! This was what mom was talking about.”
Having sex before marriage is a sin. Defiling your body is a sin. Repeat ad infinitum.
Did you grow up to defile your body and sin?
My experience was the same as everyone else’s here: strict christian upbringing, not talking about things because they’re “bad”, and making up answers to things mum and dad don’t know.
I’m trying to figure out parenting now. My plan, and I’m sure it won’t survive contact with the enemy, is to be as open, thorough, and honest as I can be about sex and drugs.
While it is scary for me, I do want my kids to experiment with these things, but I want them to do it with as much contextual information as I can provide.
“The talk” which I plan to give often, as commonly talked about house rules, is that there’s two ways adolescents can inadvertently change the course of their lives: car accidents, and getting pregnant.
I never really got a sex talk that I can remember, but my mom once told me “don’t do drugs but, if you do, do them with me so I can make sure you do them right.”
My parents bought me a book about sex and never talked about it.
We never talked about drugs because I never showed any interest and the PSAs seemed like enough.
My mom bought me a book on puberty and handed it to me. That was the extent of anything even remotely related to that. I don’t even think I read the book.
The public school system I grew up in had sex ed every year anyway, and occasional anti drug stuff.
I was always an isolated loner so I don’t think any of that was ever a concern for my parents anyway.
no
my parents only talked to me to tell me how disappointed they were in my good grades and success in my clubs and activities.
Oh little Askew, I think you’re fucking amazing and it’s my genuine honor to watch you conquer new things at activity club.
“Don’t put your mouth where you wouldn’t put your fingers first”
“If you don’t want dirt on your dick when you ride a horse use a blanket or keep your pants on”
“Hey, keep your own tissues and lotion in your room”
“I had a patient that had gonoria so bad that he just tried ignoring it. We had to peel those nasty underwear off of him, smelling liked something died. Anyways wear a condom.”
“God never says sex is a sin, we’re even commanded to go have kids, but what makes lust a sin is when you get it twisted and think your desire matters more then someone elses humanity.”
The actual “talk” never happened because I talked about sex with my parents (kids in school were talking about it in general) first and they said “I know you know about sex already but you should know it’s not appropriate to talk about it with anyone yet, when you’re older you’ll get it for now just be a kid.” Or something like that
There never were any conversations about either.
My parents were like “love who you want to love just don’t make me have to visit you in prison”
Given some books about girls puberty. Talked about sex should be consensual. Dad being dad said if it wasn’t tell him and he take care of it
Don’t do that!!! Cause most people don’t want other people to be killed!! Especially a young scared girl! Fuck man.
Also had several classes about it. One in regular school, one with a rabbi. Both were fine.
Mother also gave me a condom when I got my second boyfriend. It was ribbed. I did not want to know this.
Back when I was in elementary school, I had a classmate named “Noah Bates” and they called him Master Bates as a joke. I didn’t understand at the time so I want home and asked my mom why they kept calling him that, and why this was supposed to be funny. She couldn’t explain, was all flustered, and eventually said that it was a sexual innuendo, which I also didn’t understand the meaning of. We never had any other serious discussions about sex or drugs. Parents never drank alcohol even so I figured it was a non-starter with them.
We had sex ed in high school, but they spoke of it in terms my brain didn’t understand. “It’s better than any drug” yes but I haven’t done any drugs yet, so that is a meaningless comparison to me. A pretty dry and technical rundown of it. The DARE officer brought that suitcase full of drugs that shows you what each one is supposed to look like, and all I remember is wondering what they all did. I also had to write a paper on why drugs were bad, and I got hallucinogens as a topic. The only thing I could come up with that misconstruing a dangerous situation and injuring yourself.
Mom and dad never said much about drugs or alcohol, but they never did drugs or drank, Or at least I never saw evidence of them drinking and doing drugs.
Sex, on the other hand, they were and still are kinda weird about. They picked on me for being attracted to women/girls (I’m male) and the idea that I might find a man attractive was too horrible an idea for them to even entertain the thought of. (I’m not exactly on one side of the ol’ Kinsey scale) This caused issues with me as a teenager of course, and colored my interactions with people until I’d met a few nice women who weren’t weird about sex.
The weirdest thins is they still get weird and accusatory about sex. They at least keep it to themselves since the incident where I had to finally say “You guys know im in my 40’s, right? That tall cougar-looking woman over there? I’m married to her. I Have a kid with her. This is normal human life. We don’t require your advice or judgement.”
Limited, although I knew just from some kind of diffusion that either makes you a worthless person bound for hell.
The funny thing is, I think they would have both been horrified to hear it put that way. But, that’s what had been drilled into them, and the attitudes stuck even if that’s not what they intellectually believed.
They put on “Kids” and said if you want to live that life here’s how you’ll end up.
Never spoke about sex, on drugs my dad said “I would come bail you out of jail if you murdered someone, but if you got caught with drugs you’re on your own.”
Weird fuckin values.
Yep
Basically don’t use drugs or you’ll destroy your life.
Sex was avoided as a topic, but we were taught that premarital sex is a sin. I was also teased as a kid about having crushes on girls (I’m male), despite my adament (and truthful) denials, and othertimes they’d joke that I’d change my mind once I was older. I won that though - turns out I was gay and never did change my mind.
As for LGBT issues, it was so taboo / not talked about that I didn’t even connect my confusing feelings for male classmates with me being gay until I was 18. I thought everyone felt like that and was frustrated when they wouldn’t reciprocate those emotions back.
I genuinely can’t remember my parents ever talking to me about sex.
Catholic middle school “educated” me. I remember going to see a lady who yelled out a dozen or two names of various STIs as part of some abstinence bullshit.
Honestly not sure if it was a good or bad thing that I didn’t really know I was gay back then. but I sure as hell am glad I went to public high school instead of a catholic one.
They made me watch Woodstock footage.
From what I remember, pretty casual. I was real young when I first heard about boners on a ytp video, but I don’t think my mom explained what it was because I was too young. Otherwise, it was chill on the sex front. Got a talk from my dad for some reason on a 2 person paddle boat on a lake. Otherwise, that’s all I can remember of my parents talking sex ed to me, which is fine since I am a pretty safe sex positive person despite never doing it with anything but my hand.
As for drugs, also pretty relaxed. My parents wouldn’t wanna see us doing any hardcore drugs but are fine with drugs in most situations. Exception being things like when doctors wanted to give an adult dose of addictive pain killers to my older brother who was pre-teen at the time. They would also rather we do drugs at home in case something happens. Same thing with drinking. They’re also okay with weed, but I am the only person in the immediate family who doesn’t do it ar all ( health reasons ).
Same rules applied to alcohol, but I never really drank until legal age because I was more boring as a teen than I currently am.
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My mom asked me if I liked girls once. That’s the only time I can recall anything close to either of those topics coming up.
Never had either of those conversations with my parents. They drank heavily, fought constantly, and for the last 5-6 years of their marriage we lived in an abandoned house so it probably wouldn’t have been a great talk. Instead I just swore I’d be different and in most ways I am.
How do you live in an abandoned house for 6 years? That is occupied?
I suppose it was. The method is drive down dirt roads until you think you see a roof poking through the brush. Take the address to the courthouse and look up who owns the land, then call. We lived there for free, granted it was an old drafty house and was missing window panes here and there. Those we filled with cardboard or plywood (cut to fit the hole), and tapped into place. Our bathroom didn’t have a door, sink (it had a sink, but it was never hooked up), or floor leading up to it (just step joist to joist and don’t rush or you could fall into the dirt/mud under that end of the house).
I’m in my 40s now and just in the past decade or so did I realize how bad it looked from the outside looking in, but to a kid, that was just life. I thought everyone had multiple refrigerators because when one quits working, you just go to the auction and get another to put beside it, as kids we thought it was funny to tell guests to open the other one because it got insanely gross after a while (maggots, black slime that food eventually turned into, etc.).
I think they day don’t want me doing drugs because I might take theirs. That was the vibe I got.
My mom bought some kinda picture book series to explain it to me gradually as I grew up. I think they were aged by grade or something and we were supposed to read one a year? Little me read constantly and I blew through all the Goosebumps I had checked out from the library and went looking for something else. I found the baby making book stack on the floor in my mom’s room, sat down, and read all of them. Then I went and told my mom her books were weird. She was mortified. She made me dad debrief with me that night and she never mentioned it again.
I received a book.
Non-existant. However, my older brother did have Fanny Hill*, *Lady Chatterly’s Lover*, *Portnoy’s Complaint & The Doors of Perception on his shelf - and we also had encyclopedias.
I was about 8 years old: “You wanna know what beer tastes like? Here, gross right? So you’re never going to drink one again right?”
He did the same with cigarettes immediately after.
In my teen years: “I’m not going to lie to you son, sex feels great. But if you do it with the wrong person it can ruin the rest of your life and you’ll never get to do it again so make sure she’s right for you before you do it or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life”