GreatestGenBot, greatestgenbot@startrek.website

When Nus Braka starts forming an anti-federation of pirates, he finds the Athena outside of his Omega47 mine sphere and kidnaps Ms. Mir and Captain Ake for an impromptu trial. But after Ms. Mir gets to act as judge, jury, and executioner, Caleb arrives to explain just how important the Academy is to him. Which is the most decadent sandwich? What’s permanently written on a whiteboard somewhere? Where is the only pumping happening on the Athena? It’s the episode that wants to get in there and grab the sliders.

When two scary character actors and a baby threaten a newly-formed coalition of planets, Trip and T’Pol go undercover to learn more about Terra Prime. But after Mayweather’s love interest turns out to be a honeypot, the mining colony launches and Paxton broadcasts his demands for racial purity on Earth. Where is Trip currently on the xenophobia spectrum? Who was on the bucket list for LeVar Burton? What’s a good strategy for staying in the game? It’s the episode with another Star Trek hair prop.

When school’s out and the cadets get dropped off at Betazed, Starfleet goes into lockdown and Caleb finally opens two years of messages from his mom. But after stealing a shuttle with the help of SAM, his tearful reunion on Ukek gets cut short by The Venari Ral. What are all Ben Affleck films about? Which Star Trek character is sadder in retrospect? Who does all the train stuff? It’s the episode that’s riding the BARF to the furfly arc.

When Mirror Archer discovers a lizard puppet aboard the USS Defiant, he gets a pep talk from imaginary Prime Archer and goes to waste the Gorns himself. But after T’Pol gets curious about the Federation and Admiral Black denies the new captain a field promotion, even more sabotage and violence lands an unexpected leader in control. What could make a Frenchman put out his cigarette? Who won’t shut up about their new book club? Which character is definitely down with the frog? It’s the episode that smells like the reptile section of a pet store.

When the cadets are struggling with their trauma and Lieutenant Tilly arrives to help them through some drama, SAM glitches out and has to make an emergency trip to Kasq. But after Tarima joins the cadets and slowly learns the lesson of Our Town, SAM gets a second chance at life with the help of Dr. Mark. Why does the USS Athena have enormous windows? Which play did Caleb pick for class? What do eternals automatically get from each other? It’s the episode that puts its quadra-testicles into the canon.

When Commander Archer stages a mutiny aboard the ISS Enterprise, Captain Forrest gets thrown in the brig and T’Pol gets promoted to first officer. But after a Tholian warp signature leads them to a TOS-era Defiant, the Dustbuster club restores power just in time to see their ship get destroyed. Who is definitely picking up the phone in this era? How is the CrossFit of pain different from the Orange Theory of pain? What’s the worst thing about the agonizer booth? It’s the episode that definitely had crack out of frame.

When the cadets leave campus for All-Worlds Day break, Darem gets ritually abducted and Jay-Den makes an extremely risky decision to follow him through a random portal. But after Caleb stays aboard the Athena and Genesis gets them both in trouble over nothing, Jay-Den gives a reception speech so targeted that it pushes the happy couple to the point of abdication. How does a Klingon wear a speedo? What’s been working fine on Star Trek for 60 years? Which species gets more exposition than the Khionians? It’s the episode with three notable examples of science fiction.

When the Entrepreneur encounters an Orion ship, its captain makes an offer that the crew can’t refuse. But after Archer figures out who’s really in charge, Tucker and T’Pol use their pheromonal immunity to save the ship. When is slavery like a bathroom? How is the EPS system like an ATM machine? Whose auction price can be compared to everything? It’s the very horny episode that’s red meat for a Star Trek teen.