RetroFedHow different does love really feel for people? What are your thoughts on this?
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There’s probably a lot of different kinds.
I think I might be fucked or something; I don’t feel love the same way other people describe. No warm tingles, no sense of belonging. To me, it’s like having very close friends that I know care about me more than just as a friend.
I try to be a good partner, friend, family member, etc, because I take pride in my work. I reciprocate, but I’m just pretending at the end of the day; there’s no emotion from my side. I know my partner likes tea made a certain way at the same time, so I make it, but their smile is just feedback. All love languages are one-directional since I don’t understand it.
I haven’t told anyone, I think it would upset them, but maybe I should just be honest. I think they call it “aromantic” nowadays? Though I’m hesitant to add yet more labels to my identity.
I get that. I also like being alone, so theres that. Not for a very long amount of time, but if I get 3 days completely alone its like a whole new world.
I also am way more likely to have strong feelings for a stranger or aquantanice I’ve only met a couple times, if I really like them I can obsess over it. If I already know them it wears off fast.
I feel warm tingles after a really excellent blowjob.
There is love that builds you up and love that tears you down. It can be hard to tell them apart while you’re experiencing them.
Maybe all romantic love kinda breaks your psyche apart to some extent, and then depending on how it goes you might either reassemble the pieces better and stronger, or you’re left in a broken apart state, or somewhere in between.
No, that’s only when you date someone with BPD or another personality disorder that basically makes you gaslight yourself.
Normal love stuff isn’t like that. it’s far more boring and you break up with people over normal reasons, rather than questioning your reality. it doesn’t shatter you, it just kinda sucks for awhile, like a strained ankle.
I didn’t really explain it well, but I wasn’t really trying to say it was like that. When I say it kinda breaks you apart I mean in a good way, like when you start crushing on someone and in the honeymoon phase, you start to envision how your life could be together with that person instead of just alone. So it changes the way you view yourself and your future.
But yea, breaking up with a mature person for normal reasons shouldn’t totally shatter you. But it does hurt more than a sprained ankle imo. You can’t ice your heart 😭
I hope it exists. Feeling extremely attracted (in love) to someone is very different to feeling love (unconditionally caring). One can move into the other and those are the best relationships. I’ve met a few, never experienced myself.
But even caring about people without being sexual is worthwhile. We usually call it friendship, but there is an additional deep level of it.
My best friend and myself have this type of deep love without it being sexual. Known each other for over 20 years now and have cared for the other in ways that are usually reserved for family. Like in sickness type of caring and now we live together. These strong bonds exist for sure.
The ancient Greeks had 8 different words for different types of love: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love
This was an interesting read! And fun to find the inspiration for Nolan’s ‘Zeus’ Law’ in there as well:
also I think it’s 6 words, not 8, but that’s an easy typo
People have really warped definitions of love. I had a few ex girlfriends who were co-dependents and to them ‘love’ was like the constant fear and anxiety every moment I wasn’t physically in their sight. They also thought if I loved them I’d have psychic powers to read their minds and they’d never have to talk to me. Shit was wild.
People focus way too much on feelings, and not enough of actions. You can feel all you want, but loving someone is an act and an expression via your acts. It’s not about feelings, so much as doing shit for other people.
Way too many immature idiots think sitting around daydreaming about someone is loving them. It’s not. Sitting around daydreaming about Superman is also fun, makes you feel like a big strong hero. But both of these are nothing more than fantasizing.
I think that the group of feelings we refer to as love can manifest in a variety of ways. Personally, I’ve had two long term relationships that were built on different kinds of love.
One was stable and secure, built on mutual trust and respect. We had fabulous communication, healthy conflict resolution, and a shared commitment to one another. There were also challenges that were bearable only because of that solid foundation.
On the other hand, I’ve experienced the passionate kind of love that gets glamorized in music and stories, or at least some degree of it. This is that falling feeling, passion, sexuality, and excitement. But that relationship was also somewhat unstable, so it was unfortunately an unsustainable feeling.
Both times, when the realization hit me that I had “fallen in love” (or developed a strong attachment, really) to this person, I was so overwhelmed and cried.
I don’t think one is necessarily preferable to the other. An intellectual connection, sexual chemistry, and shared goals are all more important to me than butterflies in my stomach.
It is wholly and completely and utterly subjective.
To some, it is a reason to forego good reasons to stay alive and cast ones’ self toward a cause of history and die in the process. To others, it is merely a nuisance that sometimes distracts them from work.
‘Love’ is merely a chemical expression that drives people beyond common hunger and thirst. What that results in is WHOLLY dependent on a person’s situation and environment.