RetroFedi don't know title I guess
I just really need to vent. I’ve typed this whole post out at this point and I’ve considered not posting it because I feel like it’s stupid. Feel free to not respond unless you really really want to for some reason.
I’ve been having a lot of panic attacks lately. I used to get them a lot as a kid, but I haven’t had any in many years until a few months ago. I do have an anxiety disorder diagnosis and take meds but the attacks have been getting more frequent and I’m now at the point where I’m having multiple a day.
When I get them I try laying down for a while, but I never can because my heart is always racing so fast it feels like it’s going to explode. I’ve tried timed breathing which works briefly but then I just start spiraling again. I can hardly sleep at night either because my anxiety is so bad.
I think part of why is that I got a CS bachelor’s last year and I’ve put in a lot of effort trying to find work but the job market’s fucked. I’ve been doing random odd jobs to get just enough to pay my loans. I so badly want to move on with my life but I feel very, very stuck.
Then of course, there’s US politics and being transgender and autistic makes me very scared. Yet my parents don’t like that I have an escape plan and they keep trying to insist to me that the US is the best country to ever exist and that it would be stupid of me to leave. It’s so extremely clear to me that the US sucks and I feel like I’m going crazy living with them sometimes and I can’t talk to them about it cause they really just don’t get it.
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You’re not wrong about the state of the market for CS grads, I’m sorry anyone has to graduate into this. If it helps (it probably doesn’t), I suspect we’ll see a swing back to hiring humans in a few years as LLM costs go through the roof, and results fall short. Keeping your skills sharp and relevant, and extending them, will be a challenge.
If you have a plan to leave the US and try living elsewhere, but you parents don’t think leaving is a good idea, have you tried pitching it to them as a temporary thing, like a gap year, to broaden your experiences, and maybe even get sone work experience? Even if you have no intention of returning, putting in in terms that your parents might be more comfortable with may make them more amenable to it, especially if you can imply that learning that they’re right, and the US is the best place, is a likely outcome. Then, when you’ve been overseas for a year or two, you can tell them you’ve found a place you’re happy.
Not sure on that, the CS field has been oversaturated for many years now. For like 2 decades straight, it was the number one STEM field people chose. While some of it can be attributed to AI, a lot of it is simply that we don’t need that many CS majors.
The field has certainly been over saturated, and I’m not going to pretend that there’s suddenly going to be jobs for everyone, but there is going to be a huge amount of work de-sloping code bases, and relearning the instititional knowledge that’s been lost. I think that those with the right skills, and the right contacts, will be able to do well for themselves, even if the work isn’t the most exciting.
I’m not sure what the fix is, but you’re definitely not wrong about the US. We’ll be lucky to end up as anything better than a new-age Russia, with a massive poor populace brainwashed/forced to support a pathetically inept oligopoly…
I really see it going in that direction. People with savings can resist and stand up for themselves and others more easily, so I think making us all very poor is their priority.
I also have severe anxiety and AuDHD. ADHD is comorbid with autism more often than not. I finally got stimulant medication in my 40s because it’s all become unmanageable even with disability. Evidently sometimes anxiety comes from ADHD too. Mine got significantly better with medication. See if you have it too and if you do, get medication. It will help immensely, it’s like night and day.
my advises/comments on that straight up without thinking a lot about it: first of all dont take advises you dont like. you are the only person who knows exxxacly what you are going through, so i could get your situation slightly wrong, dont take me or others to serious.
imo everybody want to do somethink, but most of us are in a circle they cant get out. thats why we sent messages out there in any form with the hope that someone can help us out.
imo you need someone who pushes you to the direction you already want to go.
yes the us is fucked, BUT worldwide there is pressure in politics and a lot of aggression. dont underestimate this. the grass is always greener at the other side. that doesnt mean that you shouldnt go out there. you should.
the us is NOT the best country in the world and i think a new place could help you. if moving isnt helpfull you can always go back. but be prepared and think this trough..like dont overthink, but make a lil plan. you need to start somewhere. dont waiz for the right moment.
and my last comment: you are not alone with this. its completely normal in this time to not be alright. im am absolute not alright. you are not alright and so many more are not alright. thats okay.
wish you the best and follow your intuition! you are strong by being yourself
I’m back in the US for now you take care of family, but living in another country for two years was bliss except for their racist immigration staffers who openly accept bribes to avoid procedural delays (that they put in your way to punish those who don’t bribe them)..
Medical and dental was so cheap (free for citizens), and accessible. Doctors do house calls. Taxes are done automatically. School system cares about outcomes and not test scores.
They best part was watching the US implode from abroad and relishing that I was mostly unaffected by it.
Oh, and getting prescription meds can be a pain, but likely more meds are available without prescription. Ritalin and Adderall for instance. Lamotrigine too. Need antibiotics? They just ask his many days worth.
What anxiety meds are you taking and have you ever taken any others?
For the first round, most doctors prescribe what is basically a placebo. I don’t know, maybe they are just hoping that things will work themselves out over time, but it’s fucking ridiculous.
If you’ve never changed your meds, make an appointment and demand something that actually works.