RetroFedthey can't make up for their rule with a heroic sacrifice either
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TotallynotJessica
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Ninjago is the Bioncles of middle zoomers
The what is the what of what now?
Ninja Lego are the robot Lego of kids.
Yesss. I remember the first episodes coming out so well. Loved them as a middle zoomer child
I still have no clue why the movie gave him sea creature-themed henchmen
To sell new lego models.
Neglect is absolutely a form of abuse. I feel the need to point out, though, that some dads are dealing with emotional scars of their own. In a few cases, neglect is actually an improvement from what the dads themselves went through.
There’s a stage of maturity in being able to acknowledge why someone acted the way they did, but still recognizing that they needed to do better and need to actually work to heal the damage they did.
Trauma is most often generational–almost certainly most cases, and definitely all I’ve personally encountered
Importantly, so are coping mechanisms.
Invented entirely by deadbeat dads in writing rooms.
“Not now, son. I can’t attend your birthday party because I’ll be busy writing a deadbeat dad who works too much. Luckily, it’s really easy for me to get into his mindset for some reason.”
Yesn’t? I think it is possible to love your kid while being a shit parent. In fact I know. If anything I’d like to see it revamped into a bad parent attoning for their failures, accepting that they have harmed their kid and adress it with the kid. “I see now how I was a bad parent to you. I see the hurt I caused and I am sorry. And while it doesn’t erase what happened, I will do better.” I’d love that as a signal to bad parents that they can do better. An an empathic wake up call
That’s fair. The real issue is when that redemption is not earned, or when the fact that the parent did love them is used to garner them sympathy from the audience. Love without action doesn’t count
Yeah id be happy to see the parent attempting to atone, the child accepting that attempt, but still not forgiving them.
And then here’s the important part, the parent keeps atoning even though they get no forgiveness from the child.
So much about that abusive relationship is tied to control. You need to re-earn trust.
Ive seen so many parents try to recognize their fuckup only for it to end in “well i tried once and the child didnt forgive me so screw that brat”
I agree. You need to reflect your own behaviour and adress it. Only then can this be meaningful.
Also dont factor out someone’s situation and how that contributes. My mom left when I was like 4 so my dad became a single father of three, he didn’t want to be neglectful but he also had to work 12 hour shifts to afford the house and everything else we needed. Never once have I felt like my dad didn’t love me I just wish society would be better so we could have spent more time together as a kid.
I can’t imagine.. sending love for little you and your two siblings. That’s a good dad who made you feel like this while also working such long shifts.
Yup he’s great, he made sure to cook homemade meals most nights after his long shifts and taking us out in nature on his days off.
My Hero Academia did this decently well with
spoiler
Endeavour. He realises how much he fucked up and tries to fix it. Some of his family eventually accepts it while others never forgive him
This x1000. Cobra Kai never dies!
I don’t think everything is black and white like that. My dad has mental health issues but he does try when he manages to think about doing so.
yeah I got fucking whiplash when I realized my dad didn’t hate me he’s just super autistic with a touch aversion
i was 29 years old when I realized this, I’m not sure he even has a hint of a clue
My wife had this realization as well. She’s autistic, and was complaining about some of her dad’s habits. I mentioned that her dad was probably autistic too. She seemed confused.
I pointed out that what she had just complained about were some behaviors that were basically the textbook definition of autism. But he was an Irish Catholic boomer. He grew up in a world where authority figures tried to beat the demons out of him instead of getting him diagnosed. So he probably developed a lot of coping techniques to try and mask. And half of the things she was complaining about were his coping techniques, the other half were the autistic behaviors he was trying to mask.
For her, the realization was like shattering an illusion. Suddenly, she started recognizing all of the traits and behaviors that she never clued into before. Because when she was growing up, all of the behaviors were normalized. And as an autistic person herself, she didn’t even think to question a lot of his peculiarities because they didn’t seem peculiar to her.
That happened with my mom recently. She self diagnosed as autistic last year and has been going to a therapy group. I 100% believe without a single doubt that she is autistic, it makes sooooo many things with her make so much sense.
My problem is, I still need her to say she’s sorry for some pretty terrible things she’s said to me. She won’t do that and just yells at me for things she’s perceived I said/did that I’ve already apologized for a bunch of times. A lot of it is just her misinterpreting my words or actions, I still said sorry.
But I need her to apologize for things like the countless times she’s said “you are not my daughter” over the smallest misperceptions. And she can’t do that so I’m just stuck here feeling like I don’t have a mom.
yeah unfortunately I can relate :/
i went no contact with my mom quite a few years ago for never accepting responsibility for any wrongdoing or apologizing my entire life.
hang in there ❤️
💚
My dad is borderline. He tries. He went to therapy and started medication but I think it was too late for him. It’s very hard to change when you’re older.
Can confirm as a 43 yr old that trauma from childhood can be damn near impossible to change, even when it results in behavior I loathe in myself. CPTSD is brutal.
“Oh no! My parents forgot to feed me for six weeks! It’s okay; they’re unwell.”
Abuse with an excuse is still abuse.
Yet understanding where your parents are coming from is an important step in healing.
GET IN THE FUCKING ROBOT SHINJI
I’ve never properly been able, until now, to express in words the neglect I’ve perpetrated.
Oh wow, katamari damacy has unexpectedly entered the chat.
Whenever I think of terrible fathers, he comes to mind immediately.
You run into the problem where generations of men were raised that showing love for your family meant providing for them; most men didn’t work at home. So if you were physically at home with your children, that meant you weren’t out trying to give them a better economic life.
It has only been recent that this paradigm has shifted.
I was positively surprised by Drops of God (Apple tv series) in this respect.
At the start you’re like “father can’t have been this bad, I’m sure people are overreacting”. At the end you’re like “omfg what a massive cunt”.
Just about everything coming from AppleTV right now is hitting these marks. Very believable relationships and stakes. The main character’s dad in Shrinking has a moment very similar where he begs him to be better but he just refuses.
I liked “Waiting for the Out” a lot. It’s kind of this trope but then it’s the exact opposite.
I am more pissed at how it takes like 5 minutes of apologizing to fix all awkwardness and resenment completely.
“I apologized therefore everything is resolved and any further conflict is just other people holding on to the past” is such a gaping window into the selfishness of some people.
In my world, an apology is just a promise to keep doing whatever it is they’re apologizing for. I don’t want apologies, I want the shit to stop.
Maybe I’m digging too deep here but I kinda see it as a reflection of how capitalists want us to view them
There is probably a lot of overlap between neglectful fathers and the men that are media executives.
Neglect is abuse. Loving parents don’t abuse their kids.
You’re ruining my plans to say “I’m going for a pack of smokes” was actually my sleeper agent activation code.
That’s really why daddy has been gone for 20 years, I was undercover for the CIA and they required me to reassimilate a bachelor lifestyle. I’d like you to meet my partner Crystal Diamond, that’s her codename. I know she’s your age, but she’s shown a lot of promise as a new agent.
We both have been staking out a strip club hideout. A front for a terrorist organization. I know this is hard to understand but that’s why I use most of your child support money there, to defend our country.
Some heroes wear too much cologne.
What about the dad that abandoned their kids but then reappears to ask for help now that their kids have reached success as a physician or other professional peak?
It’s always some bullshit excuse - “they’re going to cut off my electricity” “I need help paying for food” “I got kicked off Medicaid buy haven’t bothered to try to reapply” “I got heart surgery but still don’t plan to stop smoking”
There’s the human appeal of not wanting to see your father suffer. Knowing what it’s like to be poor. Every ~2 months it’s the same phonecall… Hey, can I get $3-500 just to get me through this month?
Where were you for 25+ years mother fucker.
That one is really hard. You aren’t wrong if you say no, change your number, connect them with services, ignore, etc. But you have a heart so it still feels bad. So dad extra sucks for this.
Am I a bad person for wanting to see my father suffer? He’s an asshole, my three younger siblings and myself unfortunately have to live with him as my mom cannot find her own home (she’s staying with her dad). He’s inducing depression in even the youngest here (11 y/o). It’s infuriating.
You are not a bad person. It is in fact quite common to wish gor the bad parent to suffer. I know it is hard to take this step, there is a lot of red tape, fear and shame, but have you considered talking with Child Protective Services about the situation?
I’ve had a couple of years of therapy, and am waiting for some other orgs to make contact with me after an intake I had yesterday. But that’s mostly for myself, anything related to my siblings I think I cannot easily initiate.
You are taking care of yourself, that’s good! I also think I unintentinally placed way to much responsibility on you in my previous comment. I didn’t expect it to read as you having to take care of your siblings wellbeing or didn’t realize how hard this is. This is a put your own oxygen mask on before helping others situation. It sucks but it’s the right thing. Hope the orgs call back soon and can help you through this.
Legally, I’m an adult (21 y/o), so CPS wouldn’t apply to me. That’s why I assumed you were talking about my siblings 😅 but you had no way of knowing my age
I wouldn’t give a stranger a bunch if money, why would I give someone who abandoned me money. They’re basically a stranger and just using the father/family angle to manipulate who they can into giving them money.
That one is realistic though, the one in OP is just giving them redemption without making any effort to repair the damage or grow as a person.
For what it’s worth, if you’re his only child, he left before you were born, and never had another relationship after, there’s a very good chance he’s not a motherfucker. An asshole, yes, but not a motherfucker.
I’m proud to be a motherfucker, shows I stuck around after the baby was born (though that should be baseline).
This sounds like a classic alcoholic. Or substance abuse.
I rewatched Inception recently, it’s interesting because it has this trope centered in the plot. Cillian Murphy’s character, Robert Fischer Jr., had a father like this, and while he never believed in his son (at least as far as we’re revealed), the plot centers around having him believe that he did.
Lots of stuff can be explained by untreated mental health, and intent without action is a symptom of a lot of that stuff. It’s worth being forgiving IF they’re willing and trying, correctly, to improve.
Life is often too nuanced for memes
I try to improve, but I get nowhere, like parts of my brain are broken from CPTSD. I don’t think I get bonus points for trying, even if my “excuse” is my brain didn’t develop normally. I’m just so glad I never had kids - I’m at the age they would be eviscerating me during their teenage years, and I don’t think I could handle such a beatdown, an itemized list of all the ways I’m a shitty human. It’d be a tragic misconception, bc I just want to support the younger generations’ continued efforts towards universal human rights. Which would include universal mental health care and community support programs, so hopefully the situations my family went through that pushed us past our tolerances for physical, mental, and spiritual pain don’t happen to others.
Anyways, thanks for listening to my ramble, I’ve tried “correctly” with a solid 28 years of therapy and medication, I’m not sure what else to do except to keep trying. Life is definitely too nuanced for memes 😂
IMO the essence of life is about persistence. I don’t want to tell you how to live, but I find it worthy to “just keep trying”.
Thank you! I figure that’s all I can do till maybe someday that try/don’t try “there is no try, only do” thing hits 😂💜
Hey hey, ho ho, the father who neglected their kid but actually loved them all along trope has got to go!
i made some shit (though not abusive!) decisions when raising my stepson after his mom died. kid’s a fucking genius though as an adult. we have a good relationship now and i am grateful for him. i was 25 when his mom got cancer. i was 31 when she died. he was 10. i’m in my late 40’s now and he’s in his 20’s and he’s got a good head on his shoulders, even if he’s still a 20’s age boy sometimes. (like when he bought a crotch rocket and fucked is back up within 3 months…)
I get what you’re saying, but the overriding thing here is that people write what they know.
Abusive fathers aren’t the issue. Abusers with unearned redemption arcs are
This reminds me of when alleged democratic senator John Fetterman castigated his fellow democrats for even mentioning that trump had 34 felony convictions, saying that we were “supposed to be the party of forgiveness”. Bitch, you can’t go around forgiving people who don’t even attempt to apologize, let alone people who keep doing the thing they’re not even apologizing for.
Exactly, forgiveness comes after repentance.
Really I just want more of the Ozai situation in media. The shitty parent who actually doesn’t care when the kid doesn’t live up to expectations. Or stories where it doesn’t matter because the damage is damage.
Learning to stop waiting on my father’s love was an important growth step for me.
This is one of the things that I’m still questioning with the Netflix Ozai. Is he acting like he cares more about Zuko to Azula to manipulate her into making rasher decisions, or is Netflix messing with his character the way they messed with Sokka and everyone else.
NOBODY messes with the meat and sarcasm guy!
All stories should only have elements that i like.
You’re right, we should never complain about media without first giving disclaimers about how nuance is important and there are usually exceptions to the rule.
I only consume media I hate. There will be no complaints!
I’d like praise now, I’m dying or probably going to soon! Lighten my conscience!!!
Part of the reason I will never be a father, and will just skip to the die part.
Yeah I don’t have enough in the tank to deal with the adults who act like children at my job, which already doesn’t pay enough to cover having a family as it is, and then come home to children demanding even more energy/attention. I can’t do the shit I want to do in life as it is.
We had this movie. Its called Click. Lmao
people take stories too seriously its not a 1:1 recreation of what happens in real life