Butch transfemmes: how is your butchness similar _and_ different to that of our non-transfemme butch siblings?

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I’m a butch transbian. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my butch identity, and how my experiences with butchness overlaps and maybe differs in some areas to my non-transfemme butch siblings. For example:

  • We’ve likely grown up with very different bodies and genitals, and that has impacted our relationship to our butchness
  • Our struggle with presenting butch in a way that doesn’t get us misgendered or give us dysphoria
  • Dealing with the pressure from outside transfemme circles and inside to present more feminine
  • Feeling like a fraud in lesbian spaces, because I feel like I’m dressing like a “man”, despite knowing that butch identity is a whole separate thing.
  • Fearing exclusion from cis lesbians, what if they think im a cis dude creeping around?
  • The lack of representation for butchness in transfemmininty
  • How do other butch transfemmes feel about femminine clothing?
  • How do we feel about compliments? Beautiful vs handsome?
  • Feeling tension between wanting to present more feminine in some ways to “escape” the masculinity I was imprisoned by growing up.

I would love to hear about any thoughts and experiences you’ve got.

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Idk where I fit in regards to butch/femme. I vary in my presentation based on my mood. High femme is simply too much work and impractical. It’s not that I don’t admire it when someone else does it, but I’ve tried out make up and such and it’s really not my thing.

I’ve had long hair for a while and it was fun getting to do that and stuff but it’s too long now and difficult to care for. I want to try a shorter cut again but I’m worried about being misgendered due to my size.

I like skirts. They fit my hips better and for day to day wear are really practical. I worry that makes me not butch enough.

In terms of household work I fill all of the gendered roles. I do the cooking and cleaning, the finances, fix stuff, am the sole breadwinner etc. I sometimes joke that I’m both the dad and the mom of the house. I wish my partner would do more things for herself. I don’t like filling these roles.

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