Green Machine (1976)

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Green Machine (1976)

Like a Big Wheel, but cooler.

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One of the greatest toys ever. So many injuries. No regrets.

We could not afford it, but my cousin had one and we would take turns flinging ourselves down their ridiculously steep and long driveway.

I am imagining many shins getting thwacked by madly spinning pedals as it barrels down a steep hill. No ability to coast (right?) So if it goes too fast on a steep hill, you’d have to remove your feet from the pedals and try not to get beat up by it.

Like I said, many injuries. Plus, your feet were the brakes/stabilizers, so they were too busy keeping you alive to pedal.




Marx Toys

Seize the means of propulsion!

~I’ll let myself out~

From each, according to his ability to pedal!

And if I may…

To each, according to his need for speed!

Dammit, now I want a silly historical figure kart racing game filled with wonderfully terrible lines like this.



The wheels of production



We used to play stuntman on our big wheels. We had a hill with grass on it. We’d watch Evil Kneival specials, The 6 Million Dollar Man, and then we’d go launch ourselves off our big wheels into the bushes, inadvertantly finding rocks with our kneecaps and the like. I still have the scars to prove it.

These Green Machines were for the fancy kids. I still don’t understand them. you’re using the sticks to turn? What? Why did they make it more complicated than a tractor? There’s no brake. You have your pedals. That’s it. Big Wheels had a big ol brake you could slam onto one rear tire, force a drifting effect or even spin completely 180 degrees around. I’m surely distorting the facts with my version of memories here.

Don’t leave out “The Fall Guy” my brother and I hurt ourselves recreating those stunts.

Oh and the skid out lever on big wheels were the best! I destroyed more big wheels, skinned knees, mild concussions from that damn bar!


These Green Machines were for the fancy kids. I still don’t understand them. you’re using the sticks to turn? What?

It’s just like racing pods back home on Tatooine.



I’m a little surprised it was marketed to “8, 9, 10 years old”. I’m pretty sure I’d graduated from a big wheeler to an actual bicycle by that age.

For comparison, big wheels were advertised 4 - 9, so quite a bit younger range. But there was also a little wheel for 2 1/2 - 4, and a mini wheel for tots 1 1/2 - 3.

For bikes, pediatric groups have fuzzy ranges and say most children learn some time between 3-9. Random web site claims ahead -> The fraction of children who learn to ride a bike is 75% (UK numbers) where their parents were at 95%. The US was on a similar trend, but since 2018 it has reversed, and there is a surge of children (and adults!) riding bikes.

I tried and tried to get my kid to ride bikes without training wheels and he refused, always preferred his scooter. Then his friends got annoyed that he couldn’t keep up and BOOM. He knows.

Edit: I worded that poorly. His friends taught him in like 2 days to ride without at age 10, when I’d been trying for like 5 years.




“Wild Wacky Action Bike is almost impossible to steer, and it glows in the dark!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oc4bvrH6blM

I couldn’t remember what it was from, but I 100% pictures this entire fake commercial in my head when I saw this thing. lol



Had one, yes I’m that old :/


I so wanted one of these as a kid! I wonder if they make an adult version?

That looks hard to pedal.


I need to make more money asafp!



A version of them actually had a resurgence lately:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drift_trike

You can also find fun looking videos on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8u9aHWDpJxU

Those look like a blast! Also I could prolly kill myself on one of those but it would be fun!




Hottest ride in town!

Especially if you left it outside in the hot Arizona sun.



I HAD ONE. IT WAS LEGENDARY.

Well, my family had one… That counts. Had to share it.


Did this toy injure a bunch of kids or something? It didn’t survive the natural selection process of toy brands.


I had a hand me down one, most uncomfortable backbreaking seat ever but good lord was it worth it.


Did this just brake the rear wheels individually to steer?

No, the rear axle was on a swivel and the levers would cause the rear wheels to pivot. The front wheel has no steering at all.


Nah, the whole back axel would shift side to side



I really, really wanted one of these. But it wasn’t to be.


Looks cooler than the recliner bikes they make these days. Does it come in adult size?

A version of them actually had a resurgence lately:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drift_trike

You can also find fun looking videos on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8u9aHWDpJxU



Is this how Hexbear got started?


Why would anyone ride that shit? Like what’s the reasoning?

Back in the day, kids used to go outside and do fun things.

Back in the day people used to pick up on obvious references

I admit, I have no idea what you’re talking about.


I need a hint

Jackass I think. It was on MTV 20 years ago, a show about idiots doing dumb things (not being judgmental; I think the people in the show would describe it that way too). I never watched it but I remember some quotes.

Gotcha thanks! I never watched it either. I think I’ve seen clips?



Rhymes with sassafras.



Clearly not that obvious, as no one seems to know what you’re referencing.




Because that shit was cool as hell. I had one as a kid (not the original, but a 2000s variant). Unwieldy as hell but man was it fun as a kid to make turns that sharp while sitting that low to the ground.


Feeling alive!

By feeling pain.



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