ONGOING Send Help - Friend Wants to Wear THIS to a Wedding

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/otterpoportunity

Send Help - Friend Wants to Wear THIS to a Wedding

Originally posted to r/Weddingattireapproval

Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Original Post Apr 21, 2026

Please HELP!

A friend and I are attending a black-tie wedding (I’m the +1). Without hesitation I’ve already selected a standard tux and plan to add my own flair.

However, the dresses my friend is selecting worry me. She is convinced the bride, who is marrying one of the friend’s college pals, won’t be angry about this dress appearing at any of her events.

I won’t go into any back story, but suffice to say this isn’t the only white dress she sent me. It is, unfortunately, the only remaining white dress she says she’s going to buy and bring anyway - to not just one, but TWO separate weddings.

Apparently, my word as gay bestie and fashion etiquette experience with weddings means very little to her. I suspect she knows it won’t fly as she refuses to send photos of any of her picks to relevant maids of honor (or bridesmaids) for the two upcoming weddings. So, PLEASE, internet strangers, help me convince her otherwise!

It’s a stunning spring/summer dress. Just not for a wedding or wedding related events where she is not the bride.

The Dress https://imgur.com/a/vzgJd4q

The Dress is a white flowing dress, pretty much a bridal dress

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Crafty_Leadership775

Genuinely give her an ultimatum. You do not need to go down with the ship!

OOP

I think I’ll have to - I don’t see this as normal behavior and I refuse to be seen standing next to someone in a white dress who isn’t the bride.

~

Less_Tangerine9287

No!! It’s definitely white. I also don’t think it’s formal enough if you’re wearing a tux(if this was a different color).

Honestly, you could give her an ultimatum since you’re the +1. Tell her to get an appropriate dress that you approve. I’m sorry she’s not taking your advice(I would, you sound very knowledgeable on fashion).

OOP

SO glad to know I’m not crazy. I’m hoping this post will disabuse her of the idea. That of course, assumes there’s not malicious intent. Which, after reading some of these responses I’m starting to feel like there’s even more to the story than I’ve been told. sigh

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hipstellfalsehoods

Oh no, she’s refusing to send pics to the MOHs? Was she asked to? That makes it sound like it’s not just ignorant but malicious.

OOP

Yup - starting to wonder about that now. I’m realizing this might have been a blindspot for me because of the friendship. She’s not generally petty or malicious, but she can be wildly ignorant at times.

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Bubbly_Yesterday554

I’ve seen this dress a hundred times on different sites in a hundred different colours!!!! She hates the bride, right?

OOP

I’m going to have to do some sleuthing. Ignorance is one thing, but yes - after reading the responses I cannot see this as her simply being ignorant about etiquette. She’s too smart for that.

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destiny_kane48

I showed this to my straight 40+ year old husband this dress and asked what he would think about your friend. He said “That she’s an attention wh*re.” So if even men are thinking that badly then you can only imagine what women will be thinking. Don’t be shocked if she ends up with a nasty red wine stain along with the whispers and dirty looks.

Mini Update Apr 21, 2026 (Same Day)

UPDATE: I think she already owns the dress, but she won’t confirm. Found out it’s from two years ago. She IS almost certainly bringing it if I don’t make an ultimatum.

Fair warning: y’all might be witnessing the rapid end of a very close friendship in real time. There’s more to the story and I’m learning more by the minute.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

postgrad-dep18

Is she the ex? This is vengeful imo

OOP

She said no, but that is not the story I’m being told by others.

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AMothWithHumanHands

My GAWD you do not need to bail out of these weddings! The bride and groom of those weddings want you there! Surely there is someone else who can be your +1?

OOP

I’m only the +1 one for the first, but am a fully invited guest in my own right to the second. This dress is going to haunt me - it’s lit the fuse on what looks like a friendship ending kaboom.

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Fionaelaine4

Do you know the brides yourself also? If so, tell them!

OOP

Great minds - I’ve warned the bridal party for the second wedding (as I have other friends involved). The second bride is much less assertive, so I didn’t hesitate to let her wolf pack know.

OOP Updated the post the next Day - Apr 22, 2026

[edit] UPDATE: Thank you to everyone who has responded. Seriously. This has been such an eye-opening moment.

I am not attending the weddings with my ex-friend. It is amazing how blind one can become when an individual is so good at compartmentalizing his or her life.

Turns out she is an ex-situationship of BOTH grooms with messy history (fully hidden from me until now). My ex-friend was aware we had mutuals among the groups, but she severely underestimated how close I remain to those mutuals to this day. Apparently she lied to me repeatedly regarding her friendships with the grooms and several groomsmen across both wedding parties. I have zero issues with this EXCEPT the fact that lying to me and choosing white dresses is, as one commenter correctly stated, some of the tackiest friend behavior I’ve endured as an adult. I don’t care who she’s been with or what their relationships are like now, but I refuse to be dragged into any dramatic shenanigans.

The white dress choice WAS intentional and malicious. She then went on to all but admit to inviting me as her +1 to the first wedding because she can’t afford the hotel or sightseeing (unrelated to the wedding) on her own, and was/is only attending the second wedding as I already have accommodations nearby.

So, in less than two hours, one little “help me - the dress is wrong,” post has brought years of lying, financial misuse, and poor behavior to our mutual friends to light. I am not sticking around long enough to knowingly experience any more. The stories from others are still surfacing; I cannot believe I was so blinded.

Another commenter said something akin to, “I love how this sub supports brides,” and boy am I grateful for the community that not only helped me prove a point - but helped use a dress choice to expose behavior I will not tolerate in a friend I thought I had made for life.

I’ll leave you with this nugget: in response to my ultimatum, she made statements to the effect that she assumed I would just go along with it because I’m her close friend, not theirs. NO ma’am, I will not.

Easiest choice to end a friendship I’ve ever had.

THANK YOU, r/Weddingattireapproval, for the inadvertent level-up!

FINAL COMMENTS

OOP

Another tidbit - she has never met the first bride, and was(/maybe is still?) almost certainly planning on wearing the white dress TO THE WEDDING. I’ve warned the maid of honor, who I did not know, but woowee was she grateful.

She tried to head me off getting more information, but everyone saw right through it. I’ve been up in a little tower being fed only what she wanted me to see, apparently.

~

OOP

LOL! I might actually still be going to the first wedding even though I was the +1. I’ve made a few new friends with members of that bridal party. Notified the MOH without hesitation once I found out it was intentional.

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hotlibramess

I just saw this after the update and I have to know — DID THE GROOMS INVITE HER TO THESE WEDDINGS?!?! WHO INVITES EX SITUATIONSHIPS TO THEIR WEDDING?!

OOP

The grooms absolutely did - independently. Second bride was aware and is more than secure in herself. I don’t know the first bride, but based off of what I can tell she is not one to be messed with. Both of these numnuts are messy AF, no matter how you sling it.

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SomethingComesHere

I guess she bought it when the groom(s) started dating the woman theyre now marrying?

OOP

Even worse… It means she bought it the year and season the engagement was announced.

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whodofthought25

I want to know how she was locked out of both events? And also who sacrificed their wine?😂😂.

OOP

Alas, the situation is still unfolding in real time. Both wedding parties are aware of the behavior, while I’ve stepped away to let them handle it without my unsolicited two cents. We have almost a month until the first wedding. If I can update further without absolutely giving away identities or being a complete jerkhole myself, I won’t hesitate to do so. :)

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