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Lemmy Shitpost

!lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world

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He cooked

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any/all
Picture of a person in pants covered with lighting and shoes that look like rats captioned: the line between "he cooked" and "he's cooked" is razorthin
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I like to think that he forgets, keeps trying and then makes a new post about it

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Neil Degraas Tyson

(in case not obvious, an homage to this post)

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Asking for more pixels is homophobic (and gay)

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any/all
Hot take: The people complaining about the FNAF movie are clearly homophobic. The 10 hour Markiplier and Matpat make out scene was PLOT RELEVANT. Wake up.
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We need to stop this

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any/all
"yet another unrealistic standard for women". Picture of a hairdryer carton where a mouse is looking through a hole in the face of the woman on the side
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Beautiful

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any/all
Microblog post: "NASA has released a photo of the lunar eclipse." Picture of the moon with the shadow of a group of robots riding a giant turtle
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Fun game

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any/all
"Connect ∞" Picture of a connect four game that extends infinity
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Waow

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any/all
Wikipedia article of the television station WAOW. In the article the name "WAOW" and the word "based" are circled in red. Red arrows point to them from a picture of the person from the meme in which they say "Waow" and think "Based based based"
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Did you do this at your highschool?

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any/all
In high school we had a bit we called "The Orb" where at night we put a bunch of glow sticks in a fish bowl in the middle of the road and if a car slowed down to look at it our friend would come out from behind a tree in his gorilla suit
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Stupid ass bigfootcels

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any/all
Microblog reply: "beef in the cryptid community between bigfootcels and giant squid maxxers". Post: Poorly drawn graph showing that the amount of giant squid footage increased linearly with the number of cameras while the amount of bigfoot footage staid constant.
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It was revealed to me by the microplastics in my brain

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any/all
Oh, you're locked in? That's cool. I am locked out of my dominoes.com account for 72 hours for trying to make God's Sacred Holy Pizza that was revealed to me in a dream (no crust, all sauce, antelope eyeballs, encased in a glass pyramid)
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Milk of course

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any/all
"Do you guys put the milk in first, or the serial?". Picture of a bowl of milk with a serial port connector inside
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You're not a real fan otherwise

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any/all
"Don't say you love the anime" Picture of the Peppa Pig logo. "If you haven't read the manga" Picture of the book Animal Farm by George Orwell
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Hold your horses

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any/all
Four panel comic. In the first panel a horse walks into a bar. In the second panel the horse says "Hey.". The bartender says "Hey is for horses!". In the third panel the horse looks at the viewer and says "I know.". In the fourth panel the horse is eating hay in the bar
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I knew it!

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any/all
Microblog post by a National Park Service: "You know it's cold outside when you go outside and it's cold.". Reply: "Who is running this account 😂". Reply by National Park Service is a picture of Capybara looking animal in front of a computer with a headset
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Why aren't we doing this

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any/all
"Cars are fucking dumb. Replace cars with bats". Diagramm showing how much space people take in cars vs a bus vs on foot, with a additional column that's 150,000 bats
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Emotional

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any/all
Picture of batman saying "This is where I watched my parents die, freiren" and Frieren responding with ":3" rotated by 90°
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Dang it, now I need new hardware

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any/all
News: GTA VI WILL NOT BE RELEASED ON THE WATER RING TOSS HANDHELD
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No way

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any/all
Picture of a spongebob shaped piece of soap captioned: "Bro I am not cleaning my ass with this 💀"
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This clears things up

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any/all
Dear my non-American friends: I know Thanksgiving's a little confusing, so I'll try to break it down for you. Today is the day we celebrate the freeing of the United States from the reign of terror of Lord Gobble, a 50-foot tall turkey/Sasquatch hybrid who demanded human sacrifices every November. In 1863, Abraham Lincoln rode his eagle-gryphon into battle, singlehandedly slaying Lord Gobble and freeing us from our blood oath to our fearsome tyrant. In celebration of this momentous victory, we consume the corpses of his descendants and parade our largest and most influential cartoon characters through the streets of New York as a display of power, so that history will not repeat itself. Hope that clears things up.
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TIL

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any/all
"I been spelling Erica wrong my entire life". Fox News interview with a person named "Airwrecka Mcbride"
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It's finally happening

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any/all
MOON TARP. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW READY YOU ARE. - WE WILL PUT A GIANT TARP IN FRONT OF THE MOON. - 7,070,399 SQUARE MILES OF PERMANENT TARP. - 99.9954% LIGHT ABSORPTION: BLACKER THAN TAR OIL. - 100% CONCEALS EVERY VISIBLE ANGLE FROM EARTH. I PROMISE YOU WILL NEVER SEE THE DAMN THING AGAIN —> IT IS ALREADY PAID FOR <— IT IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION. THIRTY THOUSAND MEN HAVE DIED
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Checkmate Schrödinger

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any/all
Schrödinger: "You don't know if the cat is alive or dead until you look inside the box". Cat: "meow". Schrödinger: "Shut up"
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The horror

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any/all
"Warnings: Graphic sex, swearing, French". "Oh god, not French"
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