Everyone deserves one

I’ve been pretty fucking lucky in that regard.

I’ve had the great good fortune to have had four friends like that. One died long ago, another I married, the next is still as close to me as it gets, and the fourth is a new friend that has filled my life with joy almost every single day (and it would be every day, but I kinda suck at time awareness and don’t always communicate promptly) since we started talking for real.

As much ugly as I’ve had in my life over the last half century, those people and my family make it worth having gone through it.

Back twenty years ago, I was seriously considering eating a bullet. I seriously considered that, sometimes daily, for many years after that. I’m glad I kept finding reasons not to. I still sometimes contemplate the day where the math of living vs what I have to endure to keep living won’t end up in the favor of keeping on. But those people have kept the balance shifted towards enduring by a large margin, even when more ugly rains on my neck.

And my homie, if you happen across this, yes, I mean you. Every day we talk is at least a little better because of you.